Too often people will come to me with a concern about someone else, or they will come having felt offended by someone else. My advice is that they should go and talk to the other person and work out their differences. Too often these persons tell me that they cannot go back to the person with whom they have this problem. Most of the time the reason given for not wanting to talk to the other is the belief that the other person does not or will not listen to or understand them.
But here is what I fail to understand. How does it help anyone to come to me with the problem? At best they get to get something off their chest and at worst this turns into gossip and a deeper separation of people. If I commiserate with them about the other person, it becomes gossip and a deeply judgmental conversation very quickly. If coming to me about the other person is just a time to vent, that can help, but still it fails to move anyone toward reconciliation.
When you are frustrated with someone, feeling hurt, or angry with someone else, it can be helpful to talk to a third person about it in order to seek advice. The advice should be about things like your perceptions of the grievance felt or the best way to approach the other person in a loving and forgiving way. It is also acceptable to ask a third person to be a mediator.
However, if you have no intention of going to the person you are frustrated with, or if it is your intention to have a third person go and speak to the other on your behalf, I encourage you to save your breath and the time of the third person.
It is time we started talking to each other when we feel hurt, frustrated, or angry with someone else. This is the best model for community and for relationships, and it is the best way to approach reconciliation.
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2 comments:
Hi uncle Kerry! I joined your blog :) Are you happy now? Ha. Well this was a very interesting blog... I don't know what to say... Blogging is weird. <3 youuu.
If you do not handle the situation properly this can be very horrible. I do research, gather data. And if I still need advice I would have to ask someone I trust and much prayer. People need each other to talk to each other, like a friend. They can open up a whole new or better way of handling the situation. Not all situations are cut and dry. They need to be handled in a very tactful way so that neither party is knocked of their path.
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